Daydreamer

Hey, it's me again. Suddenly i just feel so blue. Don't know why and how. Damn, I can't even understand myself. Yet people still pushing me to understand them. Ironic? Hell yeah

How am I supposed to feel alive when all I feel is just an emptiness? I don't even afraid of feeling pain anymore because, pain is all I got. I don't care if I'm bleeding, or if someone crash me on the road. The truth is, sometimes I'm looking for any chance to die on the road. You may call me crazy, and I'm not gonna deny that. 

I don't know what's triggering my mind to overthink but i think it's just everything. Like everytime I feel some insecurities, denial, or anger I just feel like I don't deserve to live anymore. And I don't have someone to share, well maybe I do, but I just not used to tell people how do I feel, what do I want, waht I don't like, what is my favorite songssongs.  I spent most of my life listening to other's problems, but I don't give myself a chance to be a speaker. And everytime I tried to, I just don't know where to start, what should I say, how do I speak without feeling embarrassed.  I know that's stupid, but here I am.  You may leave me if you don't want me. I'm not afraid being unwanted. 

I'm not forcing you to stand by me, I'll never ask you to not leave me.  You'll get tired staying by my side anyway, because of that much negativity inside my mind. I'm sharing this on my blog because I don't think it's doable to share this anywhere else or to someone else at all of a sudden.  All my friends are busy and I don't wanna bother 'em.  I can't force someone to listen to all of my complaints, can I?